Are you a feminist?

Worst date. Best Martini

"Are you a feminist?" He asked.

I couldn’t quite understand why he would ask that question. I started fantasizing that he was wondering because he only dated feminists, that he was a true feminist man, those who are not so frequently found nowadays (I mean the true feminist, not the ones who say they are feminist). We were in a very chic bar, with good music and a great martini in front of me.

Maybe due to my previous experience, or lack of hope in love at first sight, I asked: “Why do you ask?”.

“Because feminists are so extremist I don’t like it, they like to victimize themselves and the world is pretty fair as it is. I mean, a lot of men are discriminated as well and we are not making such a big fuss…”

And then I stopped listening.

I wondered: why do men think that saying you are a feminist means you believe women are superior? Have they not read the definition in the dictionary? It is about believing in equality between men and women. Guess that those benefited from a chauvinist world cannot see, or don’t want to see, how it is unfair, and how privileged they are.

After that horrible date, I decided to do a poll. I started asking my male friends if they considered themselves feminists. I wanted to know how many true feminists were in my inner circle.

Shocked. Shocked is the only word to explain my findings.

The most common reply was something along the lines: “Feminist? I think that is a bit extreme. I believe in equality between men and women”.

Does anyone else find a problem with that answer? It is contradictory, on top of being just ridiculously fake in order to please me, a known feminist.

If you believe in equal rights and you truly care, you would scream it out loud.

Saying to a friend “I believe in equality between men and women” but then seeing sexist behaviour and not doing anything about it, is not supporting a cause, it is being part of the problem.

If you can’t say you are a feminist, then I strongly recommend rechecking your values.

But back to the oh-so-lovely date. I looked at the man, wondering if he was serious or joking, both options annoyed the shit out of me. I stabbed my olive from my martini.

“So, you don’t consider yourself a feminist, right?” I said, trying not to throw my drink at his face. Too much you think? What would it be like if a black person got told by a white person that he doesn’t believe in equality between races, what is the black person supposed to do? Oh but I forgot, we are ladies, we can’t get mad, annoyed or fucking frustrated with a chauvinist asshole.

Back to the story. He replied: "I believe in equal rights but I don’t understand why women can’t see that they already have it all, they can work, vote... Everything. Besides, I do the dishes in my house, so technically I could be considered a feminist. I haven’t hired a woman to do my dishes.” he said convinced of his stupidity.

And I wondered: why do men think that saying you are a feminist in their own house because they do the dishes ir normal, ok, or correct?

Do they know you can’t be a “not racist” in your house yet allow racist behaviour outside?”

Probably not.

Do they understand that their male privileges are blinding them from seeing how women are sexually assaulted, paid less money for the same job and how we just live a different type of life compared to them?

Probably not.

That, or they simply believe they deserve those privileges and therefore think they are superior.

What happened with the date? I threw him the drink, but as a lady: “Sorry I’m so clumsy” I said, and with the excuse of going to the bathroom I left that poor excuse of a man waiting for me at the bar. I was too drunk to try to teach him what feminism is, but at least I wasted his time, just like he did with mine.




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