How come I didn’t know?

Today’s post is brought to you by my two dear friends: Anna and Lucy!

A few days ago we decided to meet, as we do weekly, to have a coffee. Online of course because #Lockdown.

We chatted about our lives, politics, the economy and as well, men. So, basically we talked about all the things that were driving us insane at the moment.

At one moment Anna told us she wanted to tell us something that had happened to her. We listened in silence. It seemed serious. We were obviously going to listen, support her and give our best advice. I had no idea what was coming.

Anna started: “The other day I had sex with my boyfriend.”

“Ok, this will be a fun conversation” I thought! What juicy gossip is she going to tell us?

Anna continued: “Suddenly we were thirsty, and even though we hadn’t finished, we decided to get ourselves some water. He offered to go and get it. When he came back we realized he was no longer wearing a condom.”

I listened closely, I had no idea what was about to happen in the story and I am normally quite good at guessing what is coming. I just quieted my thoughts of all the possible outcomes of this story and listened.

Anna said: “We assumed it had fallen when he went to the kitchen to get the water. He put another one on and we continued with what we were doing.”

AKA “partying like there is no tomorrow” I thought!

Anna continued: “We finished, we went to sleep and forgot about the whole missing condom thing. The next day I went to the bathroom.”

She suddenly went quiet. My brain was about to explode: what what? You slipped on the condom on your way to the bathroom?

Anna said: “Excuse me if this is too much information.” She always apologizes when she is about to tell us, in detail, something that happened to her in a private setting. "I was, you know, sitting down (AKA: pushing because she was in the bathroom) when the condom came out.”

Me in my thoughts: what? It got stuck? How? How does that happen? A million questions were going through my mind when Lucy said with a sweet smile: “That has happened to me too!”

WHAT? I am in shock, so this is normal? Like this happens to a lot of women? How come I have never heard of it? Am I loosing my connection to reality and the problems women face during sex?

I did not know what to say, for the first time in my life I was becoming aware that getting a condom stuck in your vagina can actually happen, and the worst thing is that you don’t necessarily notice.

Anna went on to talk about her fear of being pregnant and as her friends we decided to let her know that doesn’t matter what happened, we would be there for her: whether she was pregnant or not, and if she was, we would support her in whatever decision she took.

I was in shock, not only because I had never heard of this, but because it seemed to be something “normal” that happens once in a while to people. In light of this, I decided to ask Mary, a good friend of mine who is older and therefore has more experience.

I told her the story. I was expecting a “Yes, it is normal, you just have to do this and that to take it out”. However, her words were: “What? That happened to the two of them? Is that something that happens frequently? Why haven’t I heard of this before? I’ve heard some crazy stories in my 50+ years of life, but never this.”

So it was settled, this is something that does happen to people and it is not uncommon, however people do not talk about it. 

That is why I thought it was important I share this with you. If you ever think that the  guy lost a condom going to the bathroom, double check, because you might have it inside and, as Lucy wittyly said, “You will probably have to push and birth a condom the next day.” This is surely an experience I am not looking forward to, but at least I am now aware it does happen.