A while ago I found myself in a very random situation, to say the least. I used to have a boyfriend whom I truly loved, or that is what I thought at the time. My friends and family were not a fan of him, but I loved his bad-boy appeal.
To me, he was the sweetest boy. Always accompanying me to random things I wanted to do, being my partner in crime.
However, distance drifted us apart and I broke up with him. I was going through a lot back then and needed time to be alone and recharge.
The second time around was nice, but after a few months I left him again. This time, because we weren’t clicking anymore. I felt the relationship, the fire, had burnt out and it was time to go our separate ways. He was not very pleased in either occasions and wanted to try again.
The third time's the charm, they say, not in this case!
One day a friend of mine invited me to a party. It was going to be sort of like a reunion, with people from high school, but at someone’s house.
I decided to go, because why not. Guess who was there? You guessed it! My ex-boyfriend.
We couldn’t keep our eyes from each other, we spent the whole night talking and reconnected. He confessed that he was still in love with me, and we decided to give it another chance. How romantic of us! We had grown up, we were older, and, in theory, wiser.
A few days later, after having some nice breakfast, he told me he had to go to Romania for a few days.
“Ok, when are you leaving?” I asked.
“The day after tomorrow." He replied.
“Ok, great! Why are you going? A job thing?”
“No. I am going to visit my girlfriend” He said.
The situation was so absurd, it seemed we were talking about going to the grocery store to buy some bread.
A normal reaction would have been to get mad, scream or storm out. However, I just stood there, sort of in shock and sort of looking for a hidden camera, waiting for the laughs and the “It’s all a joke” to happen. But none of that happened, so I stood there.
He saw I was not reacting, which I think freaked him out a little. Did he get scared I was going to go crazy or was he afraid I was going to break up with him?
Whenever my girl friends have told me about their boyfriends cheating, it was always them finding out. But here I was, my new-old-boyfriend was telling me he had a girlfriend, and I was ready to burst out laughing because #WhatTheFuckWasHappening?
“But I am going because I will break up with her. We have been dating for a few years and out of respect I think I should break up with her in person”
“Out of respect” I thought, #WhatTheFuckWasHapenning? It all seemed so ridiculous.
“Mmm ok, let’s talk in a few days”. And I left. But I left like a normal person, not storming out, not banging the doors. Just casually walking back to my car.
When I sat in my car I realized it! I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t truly upset, clearly I was not in love with this guy. Obviously it wasn’t the type of tea you like to wake up to, but for some reason I wasn’t crying my eyes out.
During the days he was on his trip, I wondered and wondered and came to the realization that if I wasn’t crying and/or mad then this third time was over. With the intention to tell him not to leave his girlfriend I contacted him. We chatted. He was telling me that it was difficult to leave her because of #IStoppedListeningBecauseIDidntCareThatMuch. And so I told him that it was all ok, that we were better off as friends. Friends is an expression, three times boyfriend equal no friends, my love. It is just how it is. Does he believe, even now, that he was the one who made the choice? Probably. But I don’t really mind what he thinks, because #indifference.
So, suddenly I found myself single, not upset but very confused as to what had happened. Everything was hilarious, like a romcom gone bad, it made me laugh because everything was very pathetic. In that state of mind I called one of my closest friends, told her what had happened and we decided to meet at a park to talk. Important detail: she had had a thing with my ex many years ago and couldn’t stand the guy.
The afternoon became a whole conversation about funny anecdotes with the guy and why he was the weirdest man we had ever met. She was mad at him, but for some reason I wasn’t. You know what they say: Indifference is the opposite of love, and I was right there in indiferenceland. No hate, no love.
Suddenly we got a text from a friend that there was a party happening that night. This party was with another group of friends. “Should we go?” My friend asked. “Of course, why not?” I said.
We went to the party ready to have some fun when I saw another ex-boyfriend of mine. We reconnected. I realized I had issues with ex-boyfriends and a few months later we broke up, for the third time.
Lesson learnt from this story? If you don’t feel angry and/or sad when your boyfriend tells you he has another girlfriend, then run away because you don’t love him as much as you think you do.
Lesson number 2: stop repeating boyfriends. If it was over once, or twice, the third time won’t be the charm, it will just be a funny story to write about.