Update: You can be emotionally unavailable AND be an asshole.

A while back I wrote a post wondering if a guy I knew was emotionally unavailable or an asshole. I thought these two were valid options given the situation I was living in, but it never occurred to me that you can actually be both, as I found out now.

For last week’s Trying Tuesday I went on three dates on Tinder. You can read the article here. The last date went really well but then the pandemic happened. Obligatory quarantine, time to stay at home and be responsible.

One would think that this would lead to a lot of whatsapp messages and video calls and just getting to know your new friend, but no. Let me explain the story.

We met, we had fun, we liked each other. The pandemic happened and we started talking everyday through whatsapp. I felt the need to have a web call, just to see his face, but we never got round to it, why? Because #WhoKnows.

And one day he disappeared. He continued looking at my stories on instagram but he would not talk to me. I was experiencing the famous #ghosting.

My brain works in a very interesting way, or I am super excited about something or I am completely uninterested. I was transitioning through this while he was going through his own shit, who knows what.

And thinking about all of this made me wonder: can you be emotionally unavailable and an asshole at the same time? Well, indeed you can.

It is not so hard to say: “Hey I am not interested”, or: “Hey this pandemic is driving me crazy and I prefer to be alone right now.” It is not so difficult, trust me, it is one text message. It is all about putting your big boy pants on and dealing with the situation. Running away is what cowards do.

He wasn’t the love of my life, we hardly knew each other, but I did think that during these terrible times we are experiencing, that I could use a new friend. Guess he wasn’t friend material.

I liked him, but his attitude showed that he was rude, emotionally unavailable and an asshole all at the same time. He can change this perception I have of him by opening up, I believe we could be friends, but I guess he is too busy in his own head to realize what type of friend he has just lost.

We could have been friends, even friends with benefits, but oh well.