I have a friend, Anna, who believes in the power of words. She is a strong independent woman, with her own business and ready to declare her love when she feels it.
She met a guy and fell in love. What did she do? She told him, but not in a subtle way. She went straight to him and said “I am in love with you”.
He didn’t reply what we all wanted him to say, however, I admire Anna. What a strong woman, ready to be up front with her feelings.
I was seeing a man who I really liked, he has appeared in other posts. Due to distance and the fact that he was emotionally unavailable, things went south. But one day, in the middle of the night, I was thinking about him and our story. Everything had ended in a very inconclusive way, thus I decided to be like Anna.
I wrote an email, explaining everything I felt. It was written like a post and I titled the email “A post not posted”.
Was I hoping for a positive reply? I don’t know. But I needed to get everything I felt off my chest, I needed to let it go and see what happened.
Three nights later I sent the email. He didn’t reply immediately, which was to be expected as it was very late at night. The next day I decided to ask him if he had read my email. All I needed was for him to read it, I needed things to start or end, but one of the two had to happen for me to be able to continue with my life.
As millennials, we kept on talking through whatsapp, but when I asked if he had read it he said he hadn’t yet.
Ok, it wasn’t the shortest of emails, but come on! I poured my heart out, just read it man!
Days went by without a reply and in one of those non-reply days I went to have a coffee with Anna and Lucy, two of my best friends. Lucy said to have patience and Anna agreed.
Later on, Lucy had to go but I kept on talking with Anna. She told me: you have already sent the email, now it is time for you to prepare yourself for a “no”.
Was I ready to receive a “no”? Probably yes, I just needed closure or for things to start, I needed something.
We kept on messaging each other once in a while, so a few days after I met up with the girls I decided to ask him again, what did he do? He did not reply.
I was not ready for that. We were longtime friends, out of respect I would have expected some sort of reply. At least something along the lines of “I read it, thank you, sorry we didn’t work out”.
That would have made my life so much easier. I mean, let’s be honest, that wouldn’t be the ideal reply, but at least it was a reply!
What were we supposed to do now? Act as if that email didn’t exist and continue being friends? Not my style, and definitely not Anna’s style.
Later that week I wrote the post “Do expiry dates exist for the heart?”. His silence inspired that post. He had accepted the expiry date, I hadn’t. However, writing that post made me realize it was my turn to heal and accept reality.
Anna was right, I had to prepare myself for all sorts of replies, including a non-reply. And so I did.
However, all this situation made me wonder: when we do something as courageous as Anna did, or the less courageous yet still important thing such as writing an email, shouldn’t we get a reply? I hate the trend that is happening right now of “ghosting” people. I was hoping he wouldn’t do that...
And he didn’t. He finally answered and I thank him for it. He replied to me when I was already ok with the non-reply.
He didn’t reply a yes, but it wasn’t a harsh no, it was a “I am going through a bad breakup and need time” type of answer. He replied with the sweetest most beautiful answer. But the most important thing was that I was able to see the beauty of his message because I was ready for a non-reply, just like Anna had advised me.
I will never regret putting myself out there, it was a wonderful experience to be remembered with love, plus: what a courageous strong woman I am becoming!